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Milestones

by tommyharden on 07. Oct, 2010 in Life, Raising Kidz

Markers in our life are funny. Sometimes you know when they are coming, ie., when Anya turned 16 (followed by the dreaded get the drivers license marker, followed by the insurance premium doubling marker).

And then there was the other morning when I walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and caught a glimpse of my soon to be 14 year old son. Suddenly I saw him in a different light. Gone was my little innocent pre-teen child. He’s a little mini adult!! My daughter took a pic of him with his “little brother” (for those of you who don’t know, Kieran has been off the size charts since the age of two) and both of these boys look like little men.

How and when did this happen?

Where was I? (“On the road”…my wife chimes in, grumble, grumble)

For a few weeks my sons have been telling me that their feet are bigger than mine. Sorry, there’s no way! I wear a size 11 and you’re not gonna tell me that my 11 year old and my 13 year old have bigger feet than me.

So the other night they challenged me to a foot size contest. Off came the shoes and socks and we sat on the floor, facing each other feet to feet. OMG! Both of the boys have bigger feet than me. How????? Taylor is size 12 and Kieran, MY 11 YEAR OLD!!!!, has a size 11 1/2 foot!!! Groan. All I can think of is my food bill for the next 5 years!

Taylor and I comparing feet size

Milestones come in many shapes and forms. The day I got my first song cut was a life changing milestone. The day I realized that I was going to marry my wife, all hell broke loose, but that’s another story (preferably laying down on a couch in the psychiatrist office, but I digress). The day my daughter Anya was born, my life was forever changed. The day my 6^th child was born, my life was changed forever, but I was too in shock to realize it.

Some milestones we see coming, and some hit us like a bar room sucker punch. But they are like signs on the road of life that we are making turns, changing directions. Changes are gonna come. How we respond to them is the question. Do we use them as a cornerstone of guilt and regret or do we learn from them and move on. Do we see them as God telling us time to go through another door or do we stand at the closed one and bang harder?

Milestones are life markers that point to change. And life is change.

What are some of your current milestones? I would love to hear!

As of right now, I’m considering investing in Nike stock!

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The Music biz–How does one break in?

by tommyharden on 02. Oct, 2010 in Drums!, Life, studio stuff

Mark Prentice and I recording at Tommy's Dungeon studios

This is an email I received that I would love to share with you.

Dear Tommy,

I am a teacher in Edmond, OK that happens to be a drummer as well. I would love to be a touring musician, session drummer, or just find a way to make a living sitting behind my set. I know that you are a busy guy (6 kids and pets sounds hectic – I am married and just have one dog) but if you have any advice or thoughts I would love to hear them from someone with experience. I don’t mean to sound forward but my wife and I have been praying for some opportunities to come along and when your name popped up on the following list, well we didn’t want to act weird, but it was definitely a cool blessing. Thanks for listening to a little of my rambling and thank you even more for some of your time.

Peace to you
Jeff Smith

Thanks for the letter Jeff, I was actually thinking about blogging on this very subject, so your email was very timely.

I want to answer this letter as gingerly as possible. When I moved to Nashville, you could tell me anything you wanted. Tell me it was impossible, turn around, go home, it didn’t matter. I had already made up my mind thatI had no choice, I was going to make it in Nashville or die trying. No back up plan. Nothing to “fall back on.”

Let’s rewind back to college days. The first thing that one of my prof’s told me was, you should think about an education degree. Because, “it’ll give you something to fall back on!” My reply was, “I don’t plan on falling back.” But I was lucky. I had a musical mentor, one of my closest friends, the late Larry Dalton. Larry was a piano genius, an arranger, composer, a Steinway artist. He was someone that I looked up to as one who actually made a living in the music industry, making music. He was truly put in my life by God.

A pivotal moment in my life happened one day in Larry’s kitchen. I’ll never forget it. I told him I wanted to be a session player. He looked at me and said, “Oh, you probably won’t be able to do that. It’s too hard. You’re competing against guys that have been in town 20 years longer than you have, and not only that, you have to show up and do something they can’t do.”

What? This was like he slapped me in the face with a wet fish.

But, it did 2 things. Number one, it made me rare back and say to myself, “by golly, I’ll show you who can’t be a session player.” There are times that I wonder if he told me this on purpose, to see if he could cause me to quit. The second thing that it did, is it put the fear of God into me about how much I would have to prepare to enter the music biz.

So I worked and worked, studied, practiced, learned, and worked some more. I would be driving to the practice room some days and I would pass my friends playing frisbee or hanging out. I didn’t care.

So, fast forward back to Nashville.

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What tone do you set?

by tommyharden on 16. Sep, 2010 in Drums!, Life, studio stuff

bang, crash!!

I love to scream count-offs! ONE!!!!!!! TWO!!!!! ……..like I’m on fire!!! Partially it’s usually because in the studio, people tend to be tuning, or plunking riffs or talking and if I counted off the song “weenie” like, they’d never hear me. So if it’s an “up” song, I’ll usually yell the count-off. Or scream the count-off! Many players who come in to overdub say they know exactly who played drums by the count-off. “Oh, that’s Tommy!”

But there is another reason I do this. In college I had a drum teacher by the name of Jim DeLong. Jim used to tour and record with one of my all time life heroes, Phil Keaggy. He is a very spiritual guy, who infuses his spirituality into his playing and teaches his students to do the same. And he’s an amazing drummer. His playing on “Play Thru Me” is still some of my favorite ever.

One thing he said to me, and I’ll never forget it, was “Tommy, you set the tone of the whole song by how you count it off, and not just for you…for the whole band!” If you’re half hearted in your count-off, what makes you think you’re going to play the song wholeheartedly? And if you’re in the drivers seat, which we generally attribute to the drummer, then you are either going to drive it like a race car, or like an old lady looking through the steering wheel. It’s your choice.

This is a really good life lesson for all of us. You don’t have to be a player to ask yourself, “what kind of tone do I set?” When I walk into the room, do I command attention? Do I shake someone’s hand with a firm grip and with fervor? Or do you do the “dead fish” handshake? Do you tackle your projects or do they tackle you? Do you come home from work and ho hum say hi? Or do you grab your children and sweep them off their feet and kiss them as they giggle?

So I ask you, what kind of tone do you think you set? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please comment! Now, here we go….”ONE!!!!!!!!!!!……..

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Stealing Moments and Making Magic

by tommyharden on 10. Sep, 2010 in Life, Raising Kidz

taking the girls somewhere, so cool!

“Honey, I’ve got to run to the store.” This line is usually followed by any one of the kids saying, “Papa, can I go with you?” (Sometimes it’s all of them at once, like a thundering herd of buffalo, but that’s another blog). Obviously, if I’m in a hurry, I might say no, but I’ve really been trying to say yes more and more. With 6 kids, it’s really hard to give each child individual attention. If I did that, I’d have to quit work to schedule in time slots with each of these rugrats.

But alas, I give in, because I’m a softy! So I’ll take Taylor to Lowes, or Lily to Lakeview market, or even Maggie to haul trash to the dump. This gives me just a little time with each one of the kids, one on one, which they crave and I enjoy.

Now, my wife will be the first to tell you, I’m not a talker. It’s not my gifting, and I’m not good at it. But with kids, you really don’t need to go into a deep conversation to make a moment. With Kieran, when we get in the car, we listen to Anberlin and scream out “to put my odds in fragile hands!!!!!!!” at the top of our lungs. Which then makes him laugh like crazy! To a kid, these are magic moments. To an adult, I’m thinking that if I don’t take the kids to Disneyworld or out to get ice cream, then I can’t make a magic moment. Or if I don’t take them to the Copeland concert, then I shouldn’t do anything at all.

The other day I was out on the road with my red headed bosslady, you know, and I was Skype-ing my fam. My daughter got on the computer and lemme just tell you, sometimes it’s hard to get Anya to talk to me. She’s 16 and full of one word answers. Which to a non talker like myself, is just fine. However, as a parent, I pressed in, and we started talking. Then we started being silly. Then, she showed me how to talk “inside my mouth” without opening my mouth. Basically you sound like an oompa loompa throwing it’s voice. We laughed for about 45 minutes. It was a moment I’ll never forget. It was magic!!

Lorrie has been very instrumental in drilling this into my thick skull. You don’t always need the beach and Maggie Moos to create magic for a kid. Small moments can be magic to a child. I think maybe I’m finally learning this… (said without opening my mouth, in an oompa loompa voice!)

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Table for 8?!…How to eat out cheaper for a large family

by tommyharden on 07. Sep, 2010 in Life, Raising Kidz

Lor and Rowan at Strattons, Ashland City, Tn.

It’s really funny to see the expression on people’s faces when the Harden family walks into a restaurant. We usually get a lot of stares of “what the?” and sometimes questions from people like “are these all your’s?” Given the fact that it’s pretty hard to get a table for 8 and do it inconspicuously, we pretty much cause a ruckus when we eat out. We try to limit eating out, simply because of the cost involved. If you figure 10 bucks per adult and teen, and 5 per child, you are still looking at 50-75 bucks just to get out the door. Is there a way to do this cheaper? Yes!! You may be a bit limited on choices but here are a few ideas.

1. Mexican food. Why is this our first choice? Well we all love Mexican food, and they give you chips and salsa! Generally we order Fajitas at our Mex restaurant of choice, simply because they bring you a ton of food. Fajitas for 1 can easily feed 3 people. So if you do the math, we can usually order 3 fajitas, 2 cheese dips, 1 bean dip and water!! Water, of course is the ticket. At about 1.50 per soda, that’s 12 bucks just for soda! It’s much better for you anyway. So, for a family of 8, we can usually get out of a Mexican restaurant for about 40 bucks. That’s 5 bucks a person. Pretty cheap!

2. Anywhere where kids eat free!! O’charleys used to do this, I don’ think they do anymore, but when we would eat there, the place would be packed with families with kids. Places where kids eat free with an accompanying adult, is a great way to save money.

3. At Cracker Barrel the pancakes are pretty big. If we take the kids out to breakfast, especially for the younger kids, we will get the plate with the 2 pancakes and give 1 to each of the smaller kids. It’s hard to feed 8 people at CB cheaply, so that’s one of our strategies.

Realistically speaking, we really don’t eat out that often, with the entire family maybe 2-3 times a month. It’s easier for us if one parent takes a few of the kids out while the other kids are at an activity, or at a friends house. It splits it up a bit.

Well just continue asking for a table for 8 and I’m sure we’ll continue to get plenty of stares!

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If Facebook were “Real” Facebook

by tommyharden on 21. Mar, 2010 in Life

I was going through my friends list on facebook the other day and I came to a realization.

I have almost 1000 “friends” that I can scroll through, look at their pictures, and give brief comments to. But how many true friends do you really have?

I’ve decided that Facebook should become “Real” Facebook. This would alter how the “friends” page works.

They really should quantify it. It would break down into sub categories. There should be acquaintances, business acquaintances, relatives that you barely keep in touch with, people that you don’t know at all, but other people are friends with, so you think I’d better not miss out, and then real friends.

Here’s how mine would break down. Out of the 979 “friends” on facebook, Around 600 or so would be business acquaintances. People I see in the studios, when they walk in you greet them warmly with a hug and catch up with what’s going on in their lives, you play on their tracks for 30 minutes, then you don’t see them for a couple of months. Sometimes, you even forget their names, then you say “Hey Man!! What’s going on??!” Or maybe fellow players that you’ll see on a weekly basis, engineers, producers, cartage guys, etc. People on the road, techs, drivers, yadayada. Mind you, these are folks that if they asked me for anything, I’d be there in a second and I’m sure most would do the same.

Probably 30 or so would be relatives. I do enjoy talking to my relatives, but that doesn’t happen often. But I do enjoy hearing from them. Here lately, I’ve gotten a bunch of requests from “Hardens” that I’ve never heard of. But I digress.

There are other acquaintances that I don’t work with, such as church acquaintances, friends of friends, neighbors, people in the community, etc. I like to comment on their posts, and vice versa. FB is a nice way to keep in touch with them.

In playing a high profile road gig, I get a lot of Reba fans who want to be friends on FB. For those, I’m starting a Music Fan page. So currently, I have around 60 friend requests. Most of these requests are from people that either I don’t remember who they are, or I don’t know them. (If I don’t know who you are off the bat, please forgive me!! I have a memory like a steel….a steel…..you know that thingy that catches bears).

The next category is the most mysterious to me. It is the people that I have no idea who in God’s name they are, but we have 127 mutual friends, so you must be a “somebody” in the music business, either that or you must know a lot people. It’s hard to say no to friend requests from these people, because my first thought is, why do I not know this person? Am I really that much of a dork? Am I really that unhip and out of it? How come such and such knows this person but I don’t? So let’s hit the confirm button, even though I have not a clue who in the heck you are. So, let’s say I have probably 75-150 of these. People that I do sometimes meet for the first time and I say, “hey…aren’t we facebook friends!!!???!”

Which brings us to the crux of the matter. Real friends. You know, I can tweet to my hundreds of tweet followers 10 times a day, and post several really clever things on my Facebook status daily. But when it boils down to it, things haven’t really changed that much.

People would always say, you can count your true friends on 1 hand, and I still think that is so. When something really amazing happens now in our lives, we post on FB or tweet about it, but in reality, you really only care if a few people know. If there were a crisis in my life, I would probably only have a few people on the short list to call. FB is a great way to get the message out to everyone.

So there you have it. The “Real” Facebook. By the way, in my dream “Real” Facebook there would be no YoVille, Farmville, astrology guides, or mafia. There might actually have to be sub, sub level for friends that assault you with Pokes, flair, and Mafia wars!!!

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