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17 years and I’m finally free!!!!! Or so I think…

by on 26. Mar, 2011 in Raising Kidz

It was June, 1994. It was hot outside, and I was bringing the car around to the front door of Centennial Medical Center. My wife was in a wheelchair and she was holding our brand new, beautiful baby daughter, Anya.   I gingerly placed her in her car seat, placed it in the back seat, in the middle, facing backwards, the way you’re supposed to.  I was nervous as I tightened the seatbelt, I felt like I might break her if I were too rough.  I drove home very carefully, as if my tires were made out of blown glass and I was driving on a road made out of roofing nails. Don’t take that turn too sharp!! Slow down!!! “Ok, honey!”

Anya and 'PapaMan" on her first birthday

 

When we got home we embarked on a journey that would last almost 17 years. It’ what every father dreads.

Changing diapers…..ughh..

Well to say that I got good at it is an understatement.  Not at first, however!  When I tried to put Anya’s first diaper on, the nurses laughed out loud while I put it on sideways.  No seriously, sideways!  “Naw sweety, like this….” chortle, chortle, in a deep southern accent.  Thanks mam….hrumph…

Oh but it wasn’t long until I was a pro.  I mean I could change them in the front seat of the “Harden Family Church of Christ Van,” I could change them in the middle of night in a groggy, fog induced dead sleep, in the dark in 30 seconds flat!  (I’ve only done that 7 or 8 thousand times!)   I could change them at restaurants, at the beach, even on an airplane going 600 miles per hour.  I had become a diaper changing maniac.

When I embarked on the road to parenting, I never really set out to change diapers for 17 years. This was a by product of having 6 kids.  Six kids and actually planning on 1. (It was Maggie, our 5th, she was the only bundle of joy we planned on).  We thought we were done having kids with Maggie, when one night Lor and I were in the car and she threw something at me…a pregnancy stick…positive…..as she was bawling…….it lodged in my eye……..actually that didn’t happen, that’s just what she fantasized would happen!

Rowan, looks like Honey I blew up the kid!

Our six child was the kind of child that, well let’s just say, if he were our first, he’d be an only child. Have another Rowan? Ha! I’ll do my own vasectomy, thank you! With a rusty steak knife!!  With a scalpel made out of play dough!  Let me describe him to you. Think of the tazmanian devil, after drinking a triple latte, in a giant pinball machine, and every time you hear the bell ring, that represents part of your house being destroyed. This is Rowan on a good day.

But boy is he cute!!! Which is probably why he’s still alive. He’s now 3.

And, trumpet fanfare please!!!…..he’s potty trained…..FINALLY!!!!!  After 17 years!!! We have said that when this happens we are throwing a “Potty Party,” with the money that we will save from not buying diapers. Pampers stock plummeted this week!  Shock runs through the Dow and Jones!   Sam’s club called and asked why their revenues were down.  “It’s done!!!”, I say, falling to my knees and weeping like a girl scout.

Rowan showing off his superhero

My beautiful daughter that I thought would break, is now a junior in high school. She drives. She knows everything! If you don’t believe her, ask her! For six and a half seconds, it looks like I’m gonna get ahead from my new found fortune of not buying diapers when Anya smiles at me and says, “you know papa, I’m looking at colleges!”

I’m gonna be paying for these kids until I’m in diapers….

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Being tickled and other parental indignities

by on 05. Mar, 2011 in Life, Raising Kidz

 

Lily, Papaman, and Maggie enjoying a tea party

 

 

I’m not sure if anyone “Likes” being tickled. Oooh! Hold me down and tickle me! Uh uh. For some reason, Lorrie says that when I’m tickled, I get violent. Like a bugged-eyed, crazed maniac trying to get loose from certain death. Like an animal that would rather knaw his arm off than go through this inane torture.

Have I made my point? I’m very ticklish. Nope, not pleasant. Then why is it that my 2 oldest boys looooove to hold me down and tickle me???!!! I used to not allow it. No way Jose. This is a tickle free zone. “No Tickling allowed,” your table is now ready.

 

 

But I’ve learned one thing. My boys love to wrestle, tickle, and roll around. There is something about boys and their dad’s rough housing. It’s primeval. It’s instinctual for boys to want to play rough with their dads. It also goes without saying that mom’s don’t like rough housing. You’re gonna hurt the boys!! Why do we do this as parents? We do it because our kids need it. This is one of the languages that they speak, and when we speak their language, we tell them that they mean something, that they are worth us doing stuff that we might not want to do.

Such is the story when my 4 and 6 year old (at the time) daughters invited me to a tea party in their room. I totally had to go. What kind of dad would I be if I turned my two daughters down. So I reluctantly went into their room. The table was all set. Tea was made. There was just one problem. Papa (for those of you that don’t know, I’m called papaman instead of Dad, my choice) wasn’t dressed for tea. Hmmm. Let’s see. After a few minutes of rifling through all of the dress up boxes, we came up with a feather boa, a magic princess wand, and some star shaped sunglasses that would have made Elton John envious. We had a wonderful time!! The tea, which of course I think was water, was perfect for the girls. They wouldn’t have had a better time if the queen of England were with us. (I guess they just had to settle for Queen of the Harden house, but let’s not go there).

In that moment, I hope I showed my girls that I truly love them. I would exchange all of my parental, adult dignity, to make them happy. And quite often, as parents we do.

 

two of my boys, Kieran and Taylor

 

I’m getting better at being tickled. My sons, hopefully know now that they won’t die an accidental death if they dive bomb on me. I actually laugh now and try and wrestle back. I’d better. Pretty soon, at the rate their growing, they are both gonna kick my…..

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Nairobi Hope Now: Anya is going to Africa for her 17th Birthday!

by on 26. Feb, 2011 in Life, Raising Kidz


Guest Post by Lorrie Harden

My oldest daughter, Anya, is turning 17 in June…That is huge! She will have the opportunity to celebrate her birthday in Nairobi, Kenya!

How stinkin’ cool is that!!

She is going on a mission trip with a team of amazing people from our church, Crosspoint Community Church. When I was in college I went on a mission trip to Europe with our Choir. It was very cool! About a year into my marriage, I was able to go on a mission trip with my husband. We went to Russia, Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania, with an amazing ministry run by Jim Gilbert. It was awesome, life changing. Tom did mission trips to Haiti, all through high school, with a group called New Directions, as well as trips while he was in college.

As life as gone on and I have had my 6 children, my mission days have been on hold. I want to go back out, it just isn’t my season.

It is Anya’s time!

You can follow her journey here: Anyanairobihopenow

I am so very excited for her!!! She is going with an amazing team led by Rhonda Hewett, (you can link to her blog) has the opportunity to work with an amazing ministry run by Garry and Brenda Kean. She and the others will be working at the Kibera Slums and other places.

Here are some pictures that Rhonda has sent me over the years.

Here is a letter that Anya has written as she is looking for support for her trip. If you’d like to help financially you can send a check to the address at the bottom of the letter. If you would like to help in prayer, that would be awesome, and definitely needed and appreciated. You can follow Anya’s blog, or Rhonda’s blog and keep up to date, now and this summer. Also they are both on twitter, @anya36 and @rhonree, you can follow their journey while they are on their trip, in real time…The blessing of technology, I love twitter!!

The letter:

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope you all have had a wonderful 2011 so far! I have some exciting news. On June 3rd I am leaving on a plane to go to Nairobi, Kenya for a mission trip. I’ll be gone through the 15th. Thirteen people and I are going to be serving the men, women and children of the local slums around Nairobi (including the Kibera Slum of the movie, The Constant Gardener). We will be working with Brenda and Garry Kean and their church New Song Nairobi and Jacaranda, their sewing ministry. It is going to be a heart-wrenching, powerful, wonderful journey, and I cannot wait!

This trip is going to be my first trip out of the country so I am a little bit nervous, but very excited! We are leaving on Friday morning to fly to Chicago, from there to London and then finally to Kenya! We will be there until Wednesday the fifteenth, which means I will get to spend my 17th birthday there! Four of the people going are some of my best friends ever, three of which have never been to Nairobi either, so we shall get to experience it together. We are all very excited.

Brenda and Garry Kean are the founders of New Song Nairobi, and Jacaranda Sewing Ministries. They have been living in Nairobi for several years now and have been working with the people of the slums since they moved there. The Jacaranda sewing ministry is a group of women from the slums making and sewing many different things like purses, dolls, bags, suitcases and aprons. They then sell these items outside of Africa in places like the United States to raise money. This money keeps these people off of the street. A lot of these items will be brought back with us to sell and make money for them, if you are interested in buying something, let me know when I get back!

While our team is there, we are going to be serving many people in different ways. We will be visiting several different slums around Nairobi, talking to and praying with many different people. We are going to be working with kids in VBS and maybe even a sports camp as well. Our goal is to show these kids that they are loved not just by us, but by God as well. We will also be visiting the Jacaranda sewing ministry and teaching the women some different techniques and ways to paint their crafts. One particular thing I am excited about is the privilege of getting to help lead worship for some different people there. Needless to say, we are going to be busy.

There are two things I need help with. The first is funding. For the trip altogether, I need have $3,000 by the end of March. This is a huge amount of money for a 16 year old to raise! If you can help in any way, any amount of money would make a difference. If not, you can help me with my other need, which is prayer. $3,000 is a big goal, and I could use all the prayer I can get, both financially and for the ministry while I’m there. The checks are tax deductible, and are made out to Crosspoint Community Church, with Anya Harden in the memo, and are sent to Rhonda Hewett (our team leader) at:

Rhonda Hewett
301 Mill Run Circle
Nashville, TN 37221

Thank you so much!
Love,
Anya

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Anya’s gift

by on 28. Jan, 2011 in Life, Raising Kidz

There are times when behind a plain, nondescript door, lies a magic land.  In an average glance out the window, there is a once in a year sunset.  In a small present with brown paper sack wrapping, there is a Faberge egg encrusted with diamonds.

Ok, Ok!! Stop trying to be poetic!  Alright then!  Just allow me the momentary illusion of thinking I can write.

Basically my point is this.  Sometimes really big things happen with small, quiet invitations.

The other night I was getting ready for bed.  I had my really cool new pajama pants on that Lor gave me for Christmas.  They are pj pants with a print of 1980′s acid washed jeans on them.  They are way cool!  No, they are rad!  Now if I just had my mullet back!  But I digress.

It was late, probably around midnight, the woodstove in our bedroom was quietly roaring and I was tired.  My time after the kids go to bed is sacred to me.  It’s the part of the day when I can actually have quiet and peace.  Unlike the other 19 hours of the day, but again, I further digress.

So as I was going into the kitchen to do my evening light turn-off, my 16 year old daughter grabbed my arm and quietly said, “hey, come on, let’s go for a walk.”  Deep sigh.  I thought, “really?”  I could hear the warm comfy bed calling me as a refuge to the 3 inches of new snow on the ground outside.  Not to mention it was in the 20″s.   Brrr.

Strangely enough, I said, “ok.”  Went and got dressed, put a hat on and my heavy coat and went outside.

Anya joined me about 10 minutes later, I was thinking she wanted to take some night time photos.  So we start walking.  “Did you bring your camera?”  “Nope”  hmmmmm?

The night air was cold, the snow crunched under our feet as we trudged toward the woods.  She told me about nights when she came out by herself to take pics.  “I stood over there one evening for a long time,” she said.  Hmmm.  Maybe she needs to talk. Ok.

Anya's self portait in the snow

We walked precariously up a hillside,  rutted by erosion, and I contemplated how to play drums with a broken foot.  Safely, we got to the top of the hill as the quick moving clouds would allow the moon to turn the midnight snow into a bright, glowing blueness.  We could see down onto the pond.  The night time scene was truly breathtaking.  She told me about the trees that fell from the hillside into the pond during the flood back in May.  I hadn’t been back there since then.  She told me about bringing her friends there to shoot pictures.

We walked on past the downed oaks and the ice covered blackness of the pond and continued on into the hills.  It was a beautiful walk.  The moon was our flashlight, and lit up the snow so we could see where we were going.  We walked and talked, not about anything deep or thoughtful, but about stuff.  About her sitting in a downed tree the shape of a chair, she took a self portrait there.  And that rotten tree has a bees nest in it.  She would sit and watch the bees fly in and out.

As we got to the point in the woods where we needed to turn around I realized that she just needed to spend time with her “Papa.”  It didn’t have to be deep, philosophical, or life changing.  She didn’t have to reveal her innermost secrets.  She just wanted to hang with her dad.  I felt really good.  It warmed me on the inside.  My feet however were still cold!

What an opportunity I would have missed if I would have said “Anya, I’m tired, I’ll take a raincheck, goodnight!”  I would have gone to bed and one of life’s precious moments would have gone unlived.

Anya may eventually forget our nighttime walk in the snow.  In time the memories may fade.  But for me, I’ll never forget it as long as I live.  It was a gift.  One presented quietly, without a lot of fanfare.  In a plain wrapper, if you will.  But inside was a priceless jewel that made my life richer.  I’m glad I didn’t say no.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Milestones

by on 07. Oct, 2010 in Life, Raising Kidz

Markers in our life are funny.  Sometimes you know when they are coming, ie., when Anya turned 16 (followed by the dreaded get the drivers license marker, followed by the insurance premium doubling marker).

And then there was the other morning when I walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and caught a glimpse of my soon to be 14 year old son.  Suddenly I saw him in a different light.  Gone was my little innocent pre-teen child.  He’s a little mini adult!!  My daughter took a pic of him  with his “little brother” (for those of you who don’t know, Kieran has been off the size charts since the age of two) and both of these boys look like little men.

How and when did this happen?

Where was I?  (“On the road”…my wife chimes in, grumble, grumble)

For a few weeks my sons have been telling me that their feet are bigger than mine.  Sorry, there’s no way!  I wear a size 11 and you’re not gonna tell me that my 11 year old and my 13 year old have bigger feet than me.

So the other night they challenged me to a foot size contest.  Off came the shoes and socks and we sat on the floor, facing each other feet to feet.  OMG!  Both of the boys have bigger feet than me.  How?????   Taylor is size 12 and Kieran, MY 11 YEAR OLD!!!!, has a size 11 1/2 foot!!! Groan.  All I can think of is my food bill for the next 5 years!

Taylor and I comparing feet size

Milestones come in many shapes and forms.  The day I got my first song cut was a life changing milestone.  The day I realized that I was going to marry my wife, all hell broke loose, but that’s another story (preferably laying down on a couch in the psychiatrist office, but I digress). The day my daughter Anya was born, my life was forever changed.  The day my 6th child was born, my life was changed forever, but I was too in shock to realize it.

Some milestones we see coming, and some hit us like a bar room sucker punch. But they are like signs on the road of life that we are making turns, changing directions.  Changes are gonna come.  How we respond to them is the question.  Do we use them as a cornerstone of guilt and regret or do we learn from them and move on.  Do we see them as God telling us time to go through another door or do we stand at the closed one and bang harder?

Milestones are life markers that point to change. And life is change.

What are some of your current milestones?  I would love to hear!

As of right now, I’m considering investing in Nike stock!

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Stealing Moments and Making Magic

by on 10. Sep, 2010 in Life, Raising Kidz

taking the girls somewhere, so cool!

“Honey, I’ve got to run to the store.”  This line is usually followed by any one of the kids saying, “Papa, can I go with you?”  (Sometimes it’s all of them at once, like a thundering herd of buffalo, but that’s another blog). Obviously, if I’m in a hurry, I might say no, but I’ve really been trying to say yes more and more.  With 6 kids, it’s really hard to give each child individual attention.  If I did that, I’d have to quit work to schedule in time slots with each of these rugrats.

But alas, I give in, because I’m a softy!  So I’ll take Taylor to Lowes, or Lily to Lakeview market, or even Maggie to haul trash to the dump.  This gives me just a little time with each one of the kids, one on one, which they crave and I enjoy.

Now, my wife will be the first to tell you, I’m not a talker.  It’s not my gifting, and I’m not good at it.  But with kids, you really don’t need to go into a deep conversation to make a moment.  With Kieran, when we get in the car, we listen to Anberlin and scream out “to put my odds in fragile hands!!!!!!!” at the top of our lungs.  Which then makes him laugh like crazy!  To a kid, these are magic moments.  To an adult, I’m thinking that if I don’t take the kids to Disneyworld or out to get ice cream, then I can’t make a magic moment.  Or if I don’t take them to the Copeland concert, then I shouldn’t do anything at all.

The other day I was out on the road with my red headed bosslady, you know, and I was Skype-ing my fam.  My daughter got on the computer and lemme just tell you, sometimes it’s hard to get Anya to talk to me.  She’s 16 and full of one word answers.  Which to a non talker like myself, is just fine.  However, as a parent, I pressed in, and we started talking.  Then we started being silly.  Then, she showed me how to talk “inside my mouth” without opening my mouth.  Basically you sound like an oompa loompa throwing it’s voice.  We laughed for about 45 minutes.  It was a moment I’ll never forget.  It was magic!!

Lorrie has been very instrumental in drilling this into my thick skull.  You don’t always need the beach and Maggie Moos to create magic for a kid.  Small moments can be magic to a child.  I think maybe I’m finally learning this… (said without opening my mouth, in an oompa loompa voice!)

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Table for 8?!…How to eat out cheaper for a large family

by on 07. Sep, 2010 in Life, Raising Kidz

Lor and Rowan at Strattons, Ashland City, Tn.

It’s really funny to see the expression on people’s faces when the Harden family walks into a restaurant.  We usually get a lot of stares of “what the?” and sometimes questions from people like “are these all your’s?”  Given the fact that it’s pretty hard to get a table for 8 and do it inconspicuously, we pretty much cause a ruckus when we eat out.  We try to limit eating out, simply because of the cost involved.  If you figure 10 bucks per adult and teen, and 5 per child, you are still looking at 50-75 bucks just to get out the door.  Is there a way to do this cheaper?  Yes!!  You may be a bit limited on choices but here are a few ideas.

1.  Mexican food.  Why is this our first choice?  Well we all love Mexican food, and they give you chips and salsa!  Generally we order Fajitas at our Mex restaurant of choice, simply because they bring you a ton of food.  Fajitas for 1 can easily feed 3 people.  So if you do the math, we can usually order 3 fajitas, 2 cheese dips, 1 bean dip and water!!  Water, of course is the ticket.  At about 1.50 per soda, that’s 12 bucks just for soda!  It’s much better for you anyway.  So, for a family of 8, we can usually get out of a Mexican restaurant for about 40 bucks.  That’s 5 bucks a person.  Pretty cheap!

2.  Anywhere where kids eat free!!  O’charleys used to do this, I don’ think they do anymore, but when we would eat there, the place would be packed with families with kids.  Places where kids eat free with an accompanying adult, is a great way to save money.

3.  At Cracker Barrel the pancakes are pretty big.  If we take the kids out to breakfast, especially for the younger kids, we will get the plate with the 2 pancakes and give 1 to each of the smaller kids.  It’s hard to feed 8 people at CB cheaply, so that’s one of our strategies.

Realistically speaking, we really don’t eat out that often, with the entire family maybe 2-3 times a month.  It’s easier for us if one parent takes a few of the kids out while the other kids are at an activity, or at a friends house.  It splits it up a bit.

Well just continue asking for a table for 8 and I’m sure we’ll continue to get plenty of stares!

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