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Ode of gratitude to Mr. Gordon

Bernard Gordon conducting the Southern Guilford band

It’s a typical day on the road, we’re in Philadelphia, I’m doing my typical road day routine in a very untypical and blessed job.  We had a great sound checked today with Reba and Kelly Clarkson.  We’ve eaten dinner and now I’m in the back of the bus catching up on tweets and emails when I happen upon one from a friend of mine in North Carolina, Philip Cox.  Philip and I were in high school band together in the drum line.  He works in a law office in Greensboro, where I grew up.

I remember it like it was yesterday, we would walk into the band room, the sound of cacophony, talking, banging, and utter chaos.  And then there was the smell.  Bernard Gordon had an office in the band room and he did 2 things there (other than general band stuff).  He smoked cigarettes like a chimney and he practiced his golf swing.  Back then, you could smoke darn near anywhere, including in school.

Mr Gordon was a shorter man with curly hair and a pot belly.  He had a high pitched voice that reminded me of the reindeer “coach” in Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.

We were a very small band in a fairly small school.  My school was literally 400 yards up the street from our house, waaaay out in the country.  It was tobacco fields, houses and this high school.

We weren’t very good, but then, we were the Southern Guilford High School band and we got the job done.

Anyway, I digress.  There are pivotal moments in your life when someone says something to you, something that may change the course of your life.  You never forget the words that are spoken, like God takes them and brands them into your head.  In that moment, whoever is speaking may not think too much about what they are saying.  To them it’s nothing earth shattering.  But one day in high school band, a few simple words rocked my world.

We were talking about my future and Mr. Gordon suddenly said “You know, you could be one of the best drummers in the world if you want to.”

I’m not really sure what he said after that, because that phrase hit me like a stray tennis racket.  I can’t remember an entire year of trigonometry, but decades later, I still remember Mr. Gordon saying those words.  And in that moment, he literally changed my destiny.

Would I have pursued music if he hadn’t have said it?  Perhaps. Maybe.  But he convinced me that day that I could be the best in the world.  I didn’t think that before.  I knew that I was decent at the drums.  But he spoke something into me that transformed my thinking.

I’m sure he never gave it a second thought.  But I sure have.  All the time.  It has helped me keep going in rough times. I drew strength from that remark.  Clung to it when I wanted to quit.

The words we speak to others can do many things.  They can bring life, hope, and happiness.  Or they can tear down, discourage, and damage.  And we may not even know that we are doing either.

I’m convinced that when we stand before God, we’re really gonna be surprised how our words affected people.  I know Mr. Gordon will find out what his meant to me.  He may be surprised.  I have so wanted over the past few years to reconnect with him and share with him my achievements and how he played a role in that.  Endless facebook and Google searches however proved fruitless.

Philip Cox informed me that Bernard Gordon passed away last year.  I had no idea.  I want to dedicate this blog post to him and his memory.  Thank you Bernard Gordon, from the bottom of my heart. Your words helped shape my future.  I’ll never forget what you have done for me.

What words have people spoken to you that unbeknownst to them, have changed your life?  I would love your thoughts and comments.

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If Facebook were “Real” Facebook

I was going through my friends list on facebook the other day and I came to a realization.

I have almost 1000 “friends” that I can scroll through, look at their pictures, and give brief comments to.  But how many true friends do you really have?

I’ve decided that Facebook should become “Real” Facebook.  This would alter how the “friends” page works.

They really should quantify it.  It would break down into sub categories.  There should be acquaintances, business acquaintances, relatives that you barely keep in touch with, people that you don’t know at all, but other people are friends with, so you think I’d better not miss out, and then real friends.

Here’s how mine would break down.  Out of the 979 “friends” on facebook, Around 600 or so would be business acquaintances.  People I see in the studios, when they walk in you greet them warmly with a hug and catch up with what’s going on in their lives, you play on their tracks for 30 minutes, then you don’t see them for a couple of months.  Sometimes, you even forget their names, then you say “Hey Man!! What’s going on??!”  Or maybe fellow players that you’ll see on a weekly basis, engineers, producers, cartage guys, etc.  People on the road, techs, drivers, yadayada.  Mind you, these are folks that if they asked me for anything, I’d be there in a second and I’m sure most would do the same.

Probably 30 or so would be relatives.  I do enjoy talking to my relatives, but that doesn’t happen often.  But I do enjoy hearing from them.  Here lately, I’ve gotten a bunch of requests from “Hardens” that I’ve never heard of.  But I digress.

There are other acquaintances that I don’t work with, such as church acquaintances, friends of friends, neighbors, people in the community, etc.  I like to comment on their posts, and vice versa.  FB is a nice way to keep in touch with them.

In playing a high profile road gig, I get a lot of Reba fans who want to be friends on FB.  For those, I’m starting a Music Fan page.  So currently, I have around 60 friend requests.  Most of these requests are from people that either I don’t remember who they are, or I don’t know them.  (If I don’t know who you are off the bat, please forgive me!!  I have a memory like a steel….a steel…..you know that thingy that catches bears).

The next category is the most mysterious to me.  It is the people that I have no idea who in God’s name they are, but we have 127 mutual friends, so you must be a “somebody” in the music business, either that or you must know a lot people.  It’s hard to say no to friend requests from these people, because my first thought is, why do I not know this person?  Am I really that much of a dork?  Am I really that unhip and out of it?  How come such and such knows this person but I don’t?  So let’s hit the confirm button, even though I have not a clue who in the heck you are. So, let’s say I have probably 75-150 of these.  People that I do sometimes meet for the first time and I say, “hey…aren’t we facebook friends!!!???!”

Which brings us to the crux of the matter.  Real friends.  You know, I can tweet to my hundreds of tweet followers 10 times a day, and post several really clever things on my Facebook status daily.  But when it boils down to it, things haven’t really changed that much.

People would always say, you can count your true friends on 1 hand, and I still think that is so.  When something really amazing happens now in our lives, we post on FB or tweet about it, but in reality, you really only care if a few people know.   If there were a crisis in my life, I would probably only have a few people on the short list to call.  FB is a great way to get the message out to everyone.

So there you have it.  The “Real” Facebook.  By the way, in my dream “Real” Facebook there would be no YoVille,  Farmville, astrology guides, or mafia.   There might actually have to be sub, sub level for friends that assault you with Pokes, flair, and Mafia wars!!!

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